rhapsodise.

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toxicity & addiction

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

[dead bored at home, day 3]
I'm in frightfully foul mood today cos well, i actually got myself a job which i spend the whole of last friday looking for it. But after the interview, training and stuff, i was informed that i need to get myself injected by a doctor and get myself a certificate to cerfify that, in order to start work. Gosh, and guess what, i've got to pay all that by myself. I'm barely 18 and it's really hard to get a job cos i've got to return to school in late june. I am unemployed and therefore slacking. Although the fact that i detest work. Isolation is a terrible feeling to wake up to every single morning when it's grey light half filtering through the cracks in the curtains and the house is deathly silent and you moan that oh dear lord not another day to plough through, please not another day. I feel so strangely cut off from everybody, like an amputated appendage, somehow aware of the surroundings but not able to break through the bubble. I am just trying to work and earn enough just for a cell phone, that's all. Not asking too much. Cos it's like an agreement that i had with my mum that if i spent my own money on a phone, she can never confiscate it no matter how much i used on it. Cos it's my own money!!! It's my june holiday now you see??!! And can you believe an 18 years old without a cell phone, it's like my social life has come to a complete halt. There're things i want to do. Places i want to go, just that i'll have to go find people to go with me. Cos no one really seems to enjoy asking me out without a phone. My friends are receding. And only one word could describe how i feel every single day now, that is pure boredom!! Ah, sianzation. It's strange that the span of 3 weeks feels like 3 decades. Now, all i can do is to study for my upcoming O levels examination. Not again =( I'm already sick and tired of that, but what I've to do is try to get the mathematics formula into my thick skull. Well, i've forgotten how to write. My pen slashes the paper, inkless. Slash and score, but nothing comes out, only frustration. Sometimes, it dribbles, only to suddenly hemorrhage. Then, there is ink, getting everywhere but the answer. Urgh urgh....Trying to convince self to tidy room and wardrobe since i'm so super duper free but i ended up doing nothing. Just slacking, watching tv.

|9:13 PM

Yours truly...

I go by the name of

Callista & i hail from planet Earth. I love

& I hate homework. I am bad at html but I love designing. I love science but I cant do chemistry, biology and physics. LOL. I've flaws, addictions, hidden vices and insecurities. I'm far from perfect and so are you. I laugh A LOT & I love people who make me laugh. I'm sarcastic, I joke around a lot so don't take it up the butt. Haha. I usually eat & sleep all day long, if not i`ll be shopping, sitting in front of my

or watching

. Haha. Wow I sound like a lazy bum but yeah. I'm a computer addict, can't live without my laptop. I love my family & friends. They mean everything to me. Without them. I'm shiit all. I am not as tough as I seem. I don't like dating because I am bad at it. I AM NOT as dumb as I look. I don't like feeling smothered. Scary movie don't scare me. I LOVE Horror movies. I've the worst attention span and can hardly EVER remember names. Oh, I LOVE soup. I've short term memory, i get confused & distracted easily, I can't multitask & I usually never finish my sentences. :] I'm a nice person, just don't annoy me with your rudeness, pettiness , fakeness & LIES. I hate liars. I tend to spout nonsense that no one cares about. I don't get along with anyone who has any form of authority. I'll tell you i'm fine when I'm not. I'm really into music especially to acoustic and ballad depending on my mood. It is true that half the time when you talk to me, I'm not listening. My english isn't terrific. I'm pretty anal when it comes to spelling and grammar. It is very easy to get on my nerves. I write/draw on park benches and any other hard surface that I come into contact with. Outer space is so fascinating. I tend to philosophise and psychoanalyze every thing alot. I am my own person. I'm a jack of all trades but sadly master of none. I LOVE LIFE. I sure do, and you must too, otherwise you wouldn't be living now, much less reading these words. I call people to tell them that i love/miss them. I'm not a junkie, but i have a few bad habbits. i daydream way too much. & i want to take over the world with pink and the brain. i don't get my hopes up for anything, cuz something always ruins it. :[ I wish for world peace, no more poverty, no more racial discrimination, and of course, a whole room to myself. And lastly, im a voracious eater. That's is why the excessive gain of weight. Lol.